Jesus, Sodomy, and Glocks

That sounds like a Warren Zevon song from hell, but it's not. It's what I saw on someone's car on the way to work today. Three bumper stickers, right in a row; the first one said Jesus Saves, Obama Spends. The second said Obama is Socializing and Sodomizing America. The third said Body Piercings by Glock.

Let me pull up my favorite arm chair and give this guy a go. I think his choice in bumper stickers has less to do with his distaste for Obama and his policies and more to do with his fervent desire to get reamed long and hard by a Jewish hippie. Of course, that's really none of my business. But is it appropriate to put your deep seated sexual fantasies on the back of your car?

Also, I thought christians were supposed to be anti-sodomy? I distinctly remember a 'no spilling your seed in a rent boy' clause in the bible. And who among us is still threatened by body piercings? Who even has body piercings anymore? Is this guy also confounded by Jnco jeans and skateboarding video games and ska music?

I probably lost you there. I'm not sure what my point was. When I try to incorporate Jesus and sodomy and guns, people call me an awful human being. This guy does it as some kind of affront to the effete, bruschetta eating, liberal elites. People like me, I guess. I am rather high siddity. Sometimes Quake and I just sit in the living room talking about what color to paint the walls. I didn't see that coming.

What does this guy talk about with his wife? What do they chat about over breakfast? Mud people taking over society? How much he hates gays? I mean he really, really hates gays. They absolutely sicken him, with their taut, angular bodies and year long tans and round yet manly buttocks and mysterious dance moves that enrapture and repel him at the same time.

And then it's all 'daddy's been in the bathroom for hours and I think he's crying,' and you go in there and he's having a moment with the plunger and then you have to go back to the marriage counselor for another few years until dad can get his latent homosexuality under control.

Am I wrong?