A conversation with Mel Gibson

Perhaps you've heard that Mel Gibson is not the most pleasant man to live with. There's been a slew of leaked audio tapes featuring Gibson saying all sorts of horrible things to his former live in lover and mother of his child.

Thanks to my contact in La La land (i.e. a herpetic bum who roots around in celebrity trash for a living), I got my hands on a transcript of the most recent diatribe. Behold:


Mel's Baby Maker: How are you doing, Mel! It is a glorious day in this most wonderful country and I am glad to be the common law wife of such a dynamic individual!

Mel Gibson: Listen you silly cunt, how many times have I told you, do not look me in the eye when you talk to me.

MBM: I am ever so sorry Mel!

MG: You goddamn should be. Why is there a boom mike hanging from the ceiling?

MBM: Please pay no mind to the myriad of recording equipment in the immediate area!

MG: Look, I work too fucking hard to put up with this shit. I'm at the church every morning shaking down parishioners for tithes. How do you think I was able to afford that life sized statue of me ass raping a Jewish banker?

MBM: Oh Mel, you have such a fabulous sense of humor! Could you say that last part again, louder this time?

MG: Listen, slut, you keep walking around dressed like that and you are bound to get raped by a pack of...

MBM: Please hold that thought, I've run out of room on this disc.

MG: Never mind.

MBM: OK, proceed!

MG: I don't know why I ever knocked up a trashy Russian like you in the first place. You look like a mail order bride.

MBM: Thank you!

MG: That's not a compliment, cunt-face.

MBM: Oh, I remember the first time you called me cunt-face!

MG: Do you remember when I said you looked like a pig in heat and left a dick shaped bruise on your forehead?

MBM: Our five week anniversary! How could I forget!

MG: Yeah, that was a pretty good time, you Jew whore.

MBM: But Mel, I'm Catholic.

MG: You're going to hell, whore!

MBM: Not so loud, we just went in the red.

MG: You're going straight to hell with all the Jews and Catholics and feminists and liberals and aborted babies...

MBM: Uh-huh.

MG: ...and all my fucktard children and my ex-wife and Danny Glover and all my Jew lawyers...

MBM: You already mentioned the Jews, Mel.

MG: Well, they are the cause of all the wars in the world.

MBM: Fascinating!

MG: Someone tell my wetback gardner to stop tracking mud all over the house!

MBM: That was me, Mel, and I'm Russian.

MG: Same thing.